FIGHT on Vimeo

FIGHT on Vimeo

The Question of Affiliation

Wow! Lots of concern over Obama's relationship with Reverend Wright. What do Americans believe about affiliations? Do Americans believe that if you are closely affiliated with someone whose actions are questionable, then you are just as questionable?

Ok, let's go with that thought......

Who is Hilliary Clinton closest to? Most of us would say Bill, right?

Ok, let's look at Bill and use him a a beacon for our view of Hillary's judgement:

-Impeached former President

-Lewinski sex scandal (about which he lied to us, the American public)

-Paula Corbin Jones lawsuit and sex scandal

-The questionable pardoning of Marc Rich, the international commodities trader who fled the US in 1983 to live in Switzerland while being prosecuted on charges of tax evasion and illegally making oil deals with Iran during the hostage crisis. Remember, after Rich's wife made several large donations to the Clintons -and just before Clinton left office, he pardoned Rich. Hmmmmm. Remember?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marc_Rich

-And, let's not forget about the Clintons being caught stealing the White House furnishings and US artifacts upon their departure from the White House - and being required to return them. Link below to the Times article on that mess.
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9F04E6DA1E3EF935A35751C0A9679C8B63

Need I go on?

Obama in the Tug-O-War over Black and White

Well, I guess I don't need to welcome Obama to this world since I assume he's lived here all of his life.

Yes, what we're seeing now - all over the press, from the Clinton camp, from the Black Clergy, from the voters - what we are seeing is the cause and effect of being too white, too black, too mixed, too strong, too weak, too smart, too rich, too poor, too emotional, too careful, too forgiving, too tolerant, too angry......GET THE POINT?

Obama, you may not win this particular battle. It has been fought by many before you. It is a misunderstood battle fought by misunderstood people. And, there are very few who really want you to completely win. What they want is for THEIR side of you to win...but not BOTH sides. After all, they cannot understand how both sides can win. Both sides have never won. They'll silently ask you to choose. And, if you resist such a choice, both sides will turn on you.

So, the weekend was full of the repeat play of the videos of Rev Wright, waving his hands, stomping and yelling as so many black ministers do. Whoa! White folks are afraid! Why is that man yelling and stomping and waving his hands? Anyone who has ever stepped foot into a black church knows that all of that is nothing to worry about. It IS very normal - this is as normal and us Catholics making the sign of the cross. Anyone who has been exposed to various cultures would know that. But, obviously, many Americans only know their own little worlds.....and the sign of a black minister waving his hands and yelling the N word is scary. Hmmmm...try being a black man and seeing a white man doing this to see what being scared is really like, folks. All he said what that Hillary was never called a N%$&#@. Why is that upsetting us? Has she been called one? Is Wright wrong about this? Or, is he just not allowed to use the word to explain some key differences in the life experiences of our candidates. Ok, so this is a difference, but we're not allowed to talk about it because it is too ugly. Ok. (moving on after a moment of silence for that stupidity)

Obama was trapped. He was asked to choose. So, in the face of such pressure, he chose to refute the waiving of the arms and the comments about America being wrong for Hiroshima (is this news or are we just not allowed to speak about it?).

Ok, Wright also said that America was wrong for some of the things we've done to our fellow-world citizens in other lands. Whoa! We're not allowed to say that, right? We have to act like all is well, in order to be patriotic. That's kind of ironic, isn't it? On one hand, we want change in our government...but, on the other hand, we cannot say that our gov't might be dammed by God for anything we've ever done before. Ok, so I guess we're only willing to admit small faults, but not anything worth being dammed for...like murder. Ok, got it.... (rolling eyes)

Ok, so we know all of the other things Wright said and I am not going to recount it all. Frankly, I don't disagree with any of it (not any that I have heard so far), but I do think he was a little extreme with it and did fan the flames where we need more quenching waters across America. After all, we have been bad world citizens. Do you disagree? Everyone in my community (Philadelphia) is riding around with bumper stickers calling for the end of war, peace in the world, removal of Bush...yet, when one black clergy member stands up and stomps around about it, it's scary for us. We like bumper stickers and T-shirts, but not "live" black people making statements. Ok.

Alright, so now Obama is cornered. What should he do? Agree? Disagree? Plead the 5th? Think about it!!! This is deep for him. He wants to be President of the US...yet his patriotism is in question because of what his minister says. HELLO!!! He wants to be President!! Is that not a sign of patriotism??

Ok, so Obama refutes Wright's comments (what would YOU do?). Now the black clergy is mad at him. Ok, this man cannot win! We're back to my opening comments - not black enough....not strong enough....too black....too strong....(sigh)... I am exhausted already. Some of you will know what I am saying and feel this man's pain. He is trapped.

This is the absolute irony of a successful black man in America! This is it! We knew this was coming; We just couldn't frame our minds around how it would play out. We knew it would be a total clash of worlds...like lightning. This is the "giant" version of what many of us deal with in our daily professional lives. It is so profound...so remarkable....and so painful.

We are trying to straddle the fence....to satisfy everyone....to bring the World together in peace. But, our consciousness is larger than many and we reach the outer-fringes of extreme - the place where everyone shakes their heads "no" and refuses to agree. Yet, we try...and try...and try.

This is what Obama represents....the reach from the very core (which all elected officials have always represented) - ALL THE WAY OUT to the fringes (which have always been ignored). This is new - and America is not sure how to take this. So, we are now beginning to retreat to our respective corners and start shaking out heads "no".

Welcome to the world of those of us who straddle. It is the hardest job going. And, if Obama has stepped up to handle this job for an entire county of Americans, he deserves a hand.

The black clergy really needs to give him a break. The Clinton camp needs to stop trying to divide the country for their own gain. Americans need to realize that this IS a time of profound change that is beneficial to all people.

Go with it.....release your fears in change and difference....have courage......stand for more than Obama.....stand for all Americans who show courage in the face of a choice of wrong and right. Democracy is about choices. We need to get back to that. It worked for so many years and used to be admired by our brothers and sisters around the world. Let's reclaim our place as leaders and examples of what is strong and right.

Take my advice on this.....when nothing else works, try something extremely different and enjoy the power of starting over, building anew, feeling fresh. It is exhilarating - like walking into an air conditioned room on a 100 degree day.

Beyond Pad Thai

I admit it.

I am addicted to Thai cuisine.

About 8 years ago, I was flying to Los Angeles every month to support a large client in the Burbank area, and I discovered Thai cuisine in Los Angeles, at a nice little restaurant named "Basil". They became my staple in my "left coast" home - especially for dinner prior to my "red eye" flight back to Philly on Friday nights.

Back in Philadelphia, I began to frequent "My Thai" on South Street, and then Erawan on 22nd and Market. At the time, I was doing technology consulting for Rosenbluth Corporate Travel, so it was easy to grab lunch at these spots.

All along, my favorite was Thai curry (red - then the spicier green curry), and I began to take on the qualities of a Thai cuisine snob.

I was looking for rich, hot curries with fragrant jasmine rice that had a stick quality. I wanted significant "heat" with the aroma of fresh herbs, such as basil, kaffir lime leaves and coriander.

One day in Sept 07, I found myself Philadelphia's Chinatown looking for authentic Thai ingredients. It surprised me that the Asian markets in Chinatown were without my authentic Thai ingredients. It was as though Thai cuisine was relatively foreign to Philadelphia's Chinatown.

Eventually, I found myself in the Olney area of Philadelphia, at a Thai grocer on Old York Road (just off of Broad Street). Hooray for small favors! I found a few "hard to find" ingredients, such as kaffir leaves.

After searching 5 grocers for the authentic ingredients, I returned home to assemble to Green Curry paste with my elusive ingredients hailing from the tropical central Thai region.

Lucky me! My first cousin (male) married a woman from Cambodia, who was raised in Thailand. They live in a nearby suburb and I can attest that she knows how to make an awesome Thai Curry! I hope to take lessons from her before end of year.


As far as the recipe is concerned:

While many websites will designate the chief ingredient to be "curry paste", few will teach you to make curry past. This one does:

http://thaifood.about.com/od/thaicurrypasterecipes/r/greencurrypaste.htm

Thai green curry paste is surprisingly easy to make! Added to chicken or other meats, as well as seafood, noodles, vegetables, tofu, or wheat gluten, this paste will create sumptuous curries. Easily make a sumptuous curry chicken using this recipe, plus a wide range of other Thai dishes that are certain to please. Use right away, or store in the refrigerator for up to 2 weeks and use it as you need it. Much better-tasting than store-bought curry pastes - and much healthier too!
INGREDIENTS:
1 stalk lemongrass (for complete instructions, see below)
2 Tbsp. coriander seeds, pounded with pestle & mortar (or ground in a coffee grinder)
2 Tbsp. fish sauce (available at Asian grocers), or Vegetarian fish sauce (available at Vietnamese stores), OR soy sauce
1 tsp. shrimp paste (if vegetarian, substitute one additional Tbsp. vegetarian fish sauce)
1 tsp. sugar
1-2 green chillies, de-seeded (or seeds left in if you like it very hot)
3 cloves garlic
1 thumb-size piece of galangal (or ginger), peeled and sliced
3-4 kaffir lime leaves, fresh or frozen (look for these in the freezer at your Asian grocer)
1 cup fresh coriander, include both leaves and stems
1 tsp. dark soy sauce
1/3 cup coconut milk (or enough to keep the blades turning)
1 cup Thai holy basil or sweet basil


PREPARATION:
For complete instructions on how to buy and cook with lemongrass, see: All About Lemongrass: Your Guide to Buying, Preparing, and Cooking with Lemongrass.

Place all ingredients in a food processor or blender. Process well.

To use the paste immediately, first fry it in a little oil until fragrant. Then add coconut milk plus your meat, seafood, or pasta and/or vegetables. Also add leftover lemongrass stalk.
When cooked, always do a taste taste for salt and spice. Add more fish or soy sauce if not salty enough, or more chillies if not hot enough. If too spicy, add more coconut milk. If too salty, add a squeeze of lime juice.

When serving, top your green curry recipe with another generous helping of fresh basil.
You can store your green curry paste in an airtight container in the refrigerator for use later. Paste will last 2 weeks (or longer), as the spices help to preserve it.

Cut chicken into thin strips.

Chop the beans into lengthy strips. Cook the green curry paste in pan or wok, stirring for about 3 or so minutes until it is you can smell the spices and herbs.

Add the chicken and beans to the pan and cook, stirring for about 5 minutes or until the chicken is just cooked through. Add the coconut cream, stir in and simmer, uncovered for about 3 to 5 minutes or until dish slightly thickens.

This recipe is best made just before serving with steamed jasmine rice, which can be found in your local Asian food market.

From what I can tell, the distinctive ingredients are basil, kaffir lime leaves, coriander and coconut milk.

ABOUT THAILAND:
I had originally wanted to spend my 40th birthday on Thailand. This was due to the climate and geography (Beaches, tropical) - and the food. But, my mother mentioned concerns about children being kidnapped in Thailand - and I started to worry about the 15 hour flight with a 10 yr old. Thus, I decided that Italy would be more agreeable, and Thailand would surely wait another year or so. I need at least 1 full year to prepare for Thailand.

The Kingdom of Thailand draws more visitors than any other country in southeast Asia with its irresistible combination of breathtaking natural beauty, inspiring temples, renowned hospitality, robust cuisine and ruins of fabulous ancient kingdoms. Few countries are so well endowed. I was looking forward to beaches, tropical climate, tropical food, culture shock and cultural immersion.
In preparation for our visit to Thailand, I took my daughter and her best friend shopping in Philadelphia's Chinatown for fruit and vegetables that are indigenous to to Thailand. We spent a beautiful Saturday afternoon strolling Chinatown. The girls (both 9) were told that they could buy anything (within reason) that they couldn't name or recognize.

As a result, we returned home with bags and bags of fresh fruit and vegetables. Our haul included lichees, rambutans, mungoosteen, longan fruit (our favorite!), karambole, snake fruit, durian (ack! I had to open the windows after we sliced this one and later learned that it must be transported in a sealed container and is banned from many restaurants and grocers in Asia), dragonfruit, pomelos, asian plums and the thickly-skinned, delicious asian red grapes.

We then invited my parents over and laid all of the fruit samples out on the table, next to handmade signs (made by the girls) identifying each item. Each person had to taste each item and identify their most and lease favorites.

Immediately, everyone agreed that the longan fruit was their favorite. We weren't surprised. The ladies in the Asian market assured us that this was the favorite of many and we saw lots of shoppers buying longan.

The verdict on the least favorite (to put it mildly) was unanimous - the Dorian. It is a large fruit, the size of a football.

Immediately upon slicing it, my home filled with the stench of rancid garbage and onions. Gross! Everyone backed away from the table, except my father, who is willing to try anything. Interestingly, the inside of the dorian was ice-cold.

Once sliced open, the inside is divided in chambers containing an icy cold custard-like filling. It is very strange that it was cold, because it had not been chilled and was room temp on the outside. But, the temperature was fitting because there is nothing about this fruit that is inviting or appealing. Though, I have read that many SE Asians love it!

Dad used a spoon to scoop up some of the custard and ate it. His facial expression was one of confusion and interest, but not appreciation. I was curious about that, so I tried it myself. I then understood dad's reaction.

At first, the Dorian tricks you. It takes like ice-cream....cold and custardy. Then something begins to emerge from within the custard - something horrifying. You begin to taste onions (old onions) and then a deeper taste of old garbage. How can this appeal to anyone?

At this point, everyone was begging me to "take it outside". I wrapped "it" (the dorian) in a plastic bag and put it out into the trash can. I worried since my trash day was a week away, and I hoped "it" wouldn't intensify out in the trash.

If you don't believe me about this thing, try googling "dorian" or, better yet, head to your local Asian grocer and try one for yourself.

Here's a photo of the inside of "it". Ugh! I can barely look at it.

Coincidentally, later that Saturday night, I was watching one of the very few TV channels I enjoy, the Travel Channel, and host Andrew Zimmern (Show: Bizarre Foods) was in SE Asia and was trying to eat a dorian. He noted that he had previously tried to eat one, but couldn't - and was going to give it another try. If you have never seen this show, the premise is that the host can eat anything - and he travels around the world looking for strange foods to enjoy.

Well, the durian got him again! He had to spit it out and admitted that the durian was one of the few foods that he cannot handle. What's more odd is that McDonald's restaurants in parts of Asia actually sell Dorian shakes! Just goes to show - our tastes are cultivated by our environment. I'm sure there are things that we, in America, eat that the SE Asians would find horrid.

My favorite Philadelphia Thai restaurant is now Chabaa Thai on Main Street in Manayunk. It's just convenient - and the food is quite good. I do a great deal of take-out from this place since it is close to home. I wish Mt Airy had a resident Thai restaurant.

I am not the only one in my household with a taste for Thai. My 9 yr old daughter has a thing for Thai Iced Tea (Cha Yen). It is a very strong black tea infused with star anise, tamirand, cinnamon, orange and cardamon - and then sweetened with condensed milk and sugar. The result is very exotic tasting treat. Mind you, if your child is affected by sugar (as is mine), don't allow him/her to have this treat anywhere near bedtime!
My favorite local spot for the more commonly found Pad Thai is CinCin in Chestnut Hill. They have an Pan-Asian/French fusion menu. If you order Pad Thai along with the the jumbo lump crabcakes accompanied by white wine mustard sauce with basil, you won't be disappointed!

This past summer, I was overnighting in Red Bank, NJ in preparation to take a sailing class in the area and I found what became my all-time favorite Thai restaurant, anywhere.

Siam Garden is a fabulously decorated BYOB restaurant where they served my green curry in a little warming pot over a candle. I was able to leisurely drink my BYOB wine and hold conversation while this DELICIOUS curry was kept warm. Really, it was one of the best curries I've ever tasted, and I've had many.

They also took care to chill our wine in a beautiful ice-bucket (the sign of a better BYO) and we spent a couple of hours just relaxing and talking before heading back to our room at the Molly Pitcher Inn (wonderful hotel in Red Bank) to get some sleep prior to a 2 day ASA course where we spent the next night sleeping on a small yacht, in a slip across from a man and his family who I really think are The Sopranos (gheez!)! Maybe I'll do another post about that night. I can laugh now - not then.

Of course, these restaurants are close to me (Cin Cin = 5 mins; Chabba = 10 Minutes). If something comparable is close to you, it is certainly worth the first opportunity to win your loyalty.

Cheers!
Steff

Reactions to Michelle Obama

I was standing in my kitchen this past Sunday and the TV was tuned to C-SPAN. I am not a big TV watcher (to put it mildly), so I just leave the small kitchen set on C-SPAN and listen as I cook or load the dishwasher. I have to admit, I find the C-SPAN approach to be a soothing way to take in politics and opinion. There's not a lot of sensationalism and I don't get the impression that C-SPAN has an agenda. It's just a straight-forward view. I don't watch the Congressional hearings or the House floor debates (yawn). I prefer the commentary by authors and the replay of interesting things I've missed by not watching mainstream television. C-SPAN is like a filter for me - sifting through all of the hype and leaving me with what I consider to be important.

Anyway, I was busy with dishes when I noticed that Michelle Obama was on. C-SPAN was airing a discussion moderated by Maria Shriver and included the the wives of five contenders for the White House. The topic focused on their involvement in their husband’s presidential campaigns.

The discussion was part of the 2007 Women’s Conference, a non-partisan annual event put on by California’s governor and first lady for the last twenty years. Guess who was not in attendance: 1. Bill Clinton (he's not a wife, but had been invited to participate as a spouse) and 2. Judith Giuliani, wife of former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani. I'll save my opinions on Judith Guiliani for another day. This entry is about Michelle and I don't want to contaminate this with Judith. Reports are that Judith had been invited, but declined.

So, I'm listening to the discussion, which I've entered late, and I hear Maria ask the ladies about their sources of comfort and support during these times (the race). Some of them gave what I consider to be a very "sales-y" answer. "oh, my husband...he is my rock...we have a solid marriage...we talk about everything....he and I will always have each other". (I'm paraphrasing). Then comes Michele's turn. She responds that she relies on her mother, who has her children at this moment.....and that she also relies on other WOMEN around her....the moms at her daughters' school. She went on to say when it's time for the pot-luck dinner, the other moms know to put her on the list to bring plates (paper), not the main dish. I can understand this. Personally, as much as I'd love to always bring salmon (which I have brought - mixed with cream cheese and tarragon, and neatly packaged in those little toasted bread cups that I make in mini muffin tins - talk about CUTE and YUMMY), I feel victorious when I get to the list early enough to sign up for plates, cups and napkins - or juice! Juice is another easy option. I hear you, Michelle!

Then there was a question about what they worry about - what they are afraid of. "I worry about whether politics can be nurturing of somebody who's decent and kind," Michelle Obama said. "I mean, there's always been a bit of hesitation on my part. I've always joked and said, 'There's a more sane way of earning a living.' You always worry about your life getting sucked out from under you, I’m very practical, I have to know how is this going to play out.”

One of the other wives said something about being afraid of embarrassing her husband - of saying something to hurt him. I wondered if that was a shot at Michelle.

After all, Michelle has been continually spotlighted for some of her perceived negative portrayals of Barack, and for her outspokenness about her family.

I thought Michelle handled herself very well during the Shriver discussion, but I felt curious about how some of my girlfriends and relatives perceived her. So, I made some calls. I simply asked them what they thought of Michelle. There were similar opinions across the board.

Everyone agreed that Michelle is exceptionally well-educated (Princeton and Harvard Law), well-spoken and exudes power and pride in her family.

Everyone also agreed that she may be coming on a little strongly for the good of the campaign.

One of my more out-spoken girlfriends said "when I saw her on Oprah, my first thought was 'she needs to calm herself down'".

I haven't seen the Oprah piece, so I cannot comment on that.

This really got my mind going. As an African American woman in Corporate America, I have been accused of being "too strong". I have worked very hard to shape an image that isn't threatening or oppressing. I consciously moderate my own voice, keeping my tone pleasant and "light" when I'm engaged in conversation with clients, in the office or on the phone. While I could argue that I' m not being respected for my difference, I'm not really interested in battling for the ability to "do me" in that environment. The bottom line is my income and my personal career advancement. If that means that I have to moderate my voice tone, so be it. That's part of grooming myself for success.

I can recall being in a position where I wasn't' getting something I needed during a heated contract negotiation. Tens of millions of dollars were at stake and I was at the helm. Due to confusion about what was needed, I wasn't getting what I needed. I fired off an email that started with "here's what I need, immediately"....and the email was targeted at people who were in the executive ranks. I figured they'd appreciate that I was frank, brief and clear. I immediately received a reply from my boss, the Vice President "Not good". Not good? That's his response? I called him. What he said will always remain in my mind...

"You need to act helpless. Picture yourself as Little Red Riding Hood. You are lost in the woods and need help to find your way out. You are wearing your little red cape. That's who you need to be. You need for people to want to help you out of the woods".

(a moment of silence while we think about that - sigh)

Ok. I admit being confused by this analogy....so I called my former executive sponsor (better than a mentor), who had left my firm and was sitting in the executive offices of another large company - an African American man. I repeated what I had just been told. He chuckled in a sad, disgusted kind of way and said "and I suppose you should add a long, blond wig to that get-up. Are you kidding me?".....

The good news is that none of the executives seemed bothered by my email. A flurry of emails went out to their respective underlings and the information I needed was secured by the end of the day. One of the female execs called me to see if I had what I needed, and she went on with a nice discussion about Christams shopping in Manhattan. I didn't sense any resentment. I wonder if that was because she didn't know me, so there was no reason for her to feel that my email was out of line. I was acting the way all of her peers acted - busy, direct and energetic about closing deals. Nobody had told her that "I" didn't have the right to be confident.

I have been promoted since that fateful day (almost 2 years ago), by the very boss who laid that image out for me. I can't say that I've conformed, but I've established enough respect for myself that I can push back (gently and professionally). I feel that I've established a comfortable professional persona that works for me and those around me.

As I thought about the women on my team, and in my field at my level, I realized that many of them do take this "light and airy - I need help!"approach...either naturally or by design. Honestly, they don't seem stupid or silly.....just very, well.....bubbly. That's the best way I can describe it. They're nice ladies who are obviously very talented, and this is not personal or about them...this is about the 50,000 foot view of how women fit into the bigger picture - or not. I am the only woman of color, so I cannot compare myself to any others in this particular situation.

Now, I have also noticed that women at levels above us are NOT light and airy. As a matter of fact, they're often downright pushy (smile).

So, when I think about how to model myself, do I model myself after those who are at my own level, or those who have risen above? I suspect I need to be very smart about it, and find some middle-ground. So, now, my emails start with a friendly greeting and a little "bubbly", then get straight to the point of what I need, then finish with a note of tremendous gratitude and a well wish. And, to seal it, I follow-up with a phone call....and my "light and airy" voice.

Here's an interesting piece: Advancing African American Women in the Workplace.

My point being, you have to work to make everyone feel that you are open and coachable....yet, you have to hold onto the strengths that made someone want to coach you in the first place.

Wow, what a digression! We were talking about Michelle Obama and I did what my cousin calls "an Oprah".....I turned it into something about myself!

I went into the whole Little Red Riding Hood thing because I have been reading the blogs about Michelle. I wanted to see how she is viewed by a more broad representation of the general American public.

What I've noticed is that she is being criticized as being "loud", "aggressive", "unsupportive" of Barack, "strong", "disrespectful", etc. How many times have we heard this about African American women? And, of course, I have to wonder if one of the "other" wives had said the same thing, they would ave been viewed in the same light. I doubt it.

My mind started to wonder if it is best for the campaign if Michelle continues to be "as she is", or if it might be best for her to, as my girlfriend said, "calm herself down". What is more important - maintaining your sense of self - or winning the White House? Can you do both? Then again, we're not voting for Michelle, or are we? If she's that strong, won't she have considerable influence over her husband's decisions and actions?

This brings me down to the question I have yet to answer for myself: Is Michelle helping or hindering Barack's position in the race?

There are a couple of things Michele has said that make me wince. I just think there are some things we don't ALL need to know. For example, I don't think we all needed to hear that Michele talks to her girls about "what is a period?". While it wouldn't bother me to sit around with my friends and have this discussion, I don't really know Michelle like that. She is not my "girlfriend", she is the wife of the candidate for Leadership of the Free World.

I think I know why Michelle wants to tell us things like that. She wants us to feel connected with her. She wants to appeal to our need to feel like we understand who the Obamas are. She wants us to get comfortable with them. She wants our trust in that Barack will make decisions based on the same decision-making system that the rest of us use.

While, on the surface, this might be a good strategy for many Americans, it can also backfire. After all, Michelle and Barack are not like the rest of us. And, we don't really want them to be, do we?

Personally, I don't think I'd do a good job in the White House. I'm too scatter-brained, impulsive, disorganized, easily distracted and also sometimes obsessive. Really, you don't want me in the White House.

So, if Michelle is just like me, I don't want her there either. The good news is that I know she's not like me. We may have some similarities, but we surely have some differences. I like that we have differences. I NEED for us to have differences. I don't want to be Michelle Obama's girlfriend over coffee. I want Michelle to go and do something that I could not. I want her to stand next to Barack and run this country.

Another thing: Barack, as we know, does not have a long track-record. Much of his success is because he has created a great "image" for himself. He has made us believe that he can do something that most people can't. He seems almost super-human. We want to believe him. We have to, if we're going to vote for him, because there's not much else to go on. But, I honestly do believe that people can do things they've never done before, if they believe in their own vision and have enough energy and raw talent to bring it to life.

But here comes Michelle again, with her pin to prick the bubble over our heads. She wants to remind us that Barack is just like us - a regular dad (sigh) who can't pick up his own socks and put the butter away after breakfast. Michelle!! Please step away from my bubble. If you pop it, I am not sure what I have left. He's seems like a nice guy, he has an agenda that I support, he's good looking.....but the fantasy of him being super-human enough to fix this MESS we're in as a country is what I need.

I think Michelle is hinging too much on her "we're just like you" campaign.

The bottom line is: I don't want someone just like me running this county - and - I don't believe they're just like me. And, I want Michelle to put down the pin.

Don't get me wrong, I support Barack (and Michelle). I just thought this was interesting on so many levels.

The Matter of Skin Color

I really hadn't planned on jumping quickly into debates over sensitive topics. My blog is new and I'd prefer to establish my identity here before I go running off into the blazing battles being fought by more tenured bloggers.

However, I can't help but contribute my .02 here. After all, so much about this issue has framed my world for as long as I can recall.

I was blog-browsing this morning and ran across this blog "The Black Socialite",which led me to the CNN article.

Ok, so here's what happened to, yet again, surface this debate/discussion:
A party promoter for a nightclub in Detroit decided it would be "brilliant" promote that the nightclub would, at this given party, allow light-skinned black women to enter free of charge. Thus, leaving darker skinned black women with the choice of paying for their own admission, or not attending the party.

Really, I can only imagine what this promoter was thinking. He's 27, so I think he should be old enough to understand that this would have opened some wounds and incensed folks. I wonder if he was thinking that it would get everyone talking about the party (negatively), and make the party more successful. Probably. I bet he didn't expect it to be debated on a National level. He should have.

So, as your might imagine, we're back to the age-old debate about skin tone.

Here's the history:
Some of the darker skinned African Americans are/have been claiming that the lighter skinned African Americans:

• have it easier in the working world
• are viewed as more physically attractive, more docile, more approachable, more agreeable
• are guilty of feeling superior
• have created exclusive clubs and lives that shun the darker skinned

Some of the lighter skinned African Americans are/have been claiming that the darker skinned African Americans:

• Ridicule and tease, as children, about the lightness of their skin (i.e. calling names like :white girl/boy, sunshine, light-bright almost white, red-bone, Casper, half-breed etc)
• Refuse to acknowledge the legitimacy of the "blackness" of the lighter-skinned
• Accuse lighter skinned of trying to act "white" if they speak properly or have any white friends
• Automatically assuming that the lighter skinned person thinks they are superior or more attractive, without getting to know the lighter skinned person

Forever, this has been going on.

Spike Lee dramatized the issue in his film "School Daze" .

Now, today, I find countless blogs where colorism is being discussed and what I am reading makes me angry.

What I find most interesting is the INTENSE anger being targeted at light skinned African Americans. I found one blog where people on both sides were contributing their comments and feelings...and then someone jumps in and suddenly starts bashing light skinned people. At first, I wasn't going to give this blog any credit because much of the responses are ignorant nonsense. But, I sat back and realized that these are real people. These people are in school with our children, sitting next to us in church, working next to us in the office. So, I suppose we need to address this at many different levels. Don't get me wrong, it isn't this blogger than concerns me...it's those who have responded here.

Some of the responses to that blog mirror what I read in another article this morning: African Americans who are mixed race, on any level, are asked to identify themselves as mixed, or mulatto, or something else....but not as black or African American. Really? We really want that?

Let's think about that for a minute. Here are the questions I'd like to ask those who support the idea of asking mixed-race African Americans having to identify as something else.

1. At what point would we need to do that? How much white blood would I need to have in me to have to do that?
2. What if I am half white, but my skin is dark and my hair is thick? Would I still have to identify as something else?
3. Would there be a test of my skin to determine if I am dark enough to remain in the African American pool?
4. How would the government address this? I suppose the millions of people who would move out of the African American pool would need to ensure that all grants, funding and programs that are aimed at bettering the lives of African Americans would split off so that we, who would leave the African American pool, would take our money and programs with us.
5. I suppose that the groups, social clubs and organizations that support the African American community with funds raised would need to divide their membership and also redirect those funds so that there's an equal distribution into this new group of mulatto or whatever you want me to call myself now.
6. Oh, and I also suppose that you won't mind that you, Ms Darker-Skinned-person-with-this-idea-to-split-the-race, might give birth to a lighter skinned child and your child might need to identify with a race that is not yours. That'd be ok too, right?

Really, people. In the words of my good friend (who is white & Cambodian mix) Rose O'Donnell, this is a bunch of "ridiculousness".

Here comes the rant:

I am very, very tired of feeling like I need to feel apologetic for having light skin, light eyes, light hair. Wait! Let me go on before you jump in...

I was raised in a middle-class home, the daughter of an attorney, who was/is also an Alpha. My family, for many generations, has been free, educated and talented. I grew up in Philadelphia and in the Caribbean,when Dad was in the Attorney General's office of the United States Virgin Islands. I still consider the Virgin Islands to be my second home and get down there a couple of times each year. Yes, this has nothing to do with skin color. Just framing my background for you. If you think skin color is an issue in the US, you should go to the Caribbean. It is beyond reason there.

Wait! It gets better and if you are made at me for being light, you're about to really get mad...

My late paternal grandmother, Helen Chase Gilbert, was a Charter Member of Jack and Jill in Philadelphia. Jack and Jill was founded in Philadelphia in 1938, so this was the very beginning of the group. Yes, I am a current member and my hope for my daughter is that she will one day be a member. As I sit in my monthly meetings and glance around the room, I am greeted with beautiful, genuine smiles of women(of all hues) who are setting the benchmark in their respective fields - and their skin tone and hair textures are as varied as the day is long. As a matter of fact,when I served as President of my chapter, our First Vice-President was a darker skinned sister with twisted, natural braids. She was also a leader in her community and had been afforded the office of President before I, but elected to decline due to the expanse of her community obligations.

My mother was also member of Jack and Jill, and was also a Toastie. Yes, the Toasties...that group may have, at one time, administered the Brown Paper Bag test. My mother speaks of the test with disdain. She, herself, didn't know anything about the test when she joined. She is very fair and administration of the test was probably not needed for her. Once she learned of the test, she was embarrassed about it. Her parents and siblings would have all failed that test! Mom left the Toasties.

Most interestingly, on my father's side of the family (the more bourgeois side), most everyone is very,very fair skinned with more European features and straight hair. My paternal grandfather's brother "passed" all of his life. He lived in Florida, while most of us were in Philadelphia. Interestingly enough, we did see him quite often. He always showed up to important family events (alone) and sent Christmas presents to us all - a crate of fresh,Florida fruit - one for each household. He never missed a Christmas. We loved him and we forgave him. When he died, we each received a simple, handwritten note from his daughter: "Please be advised that William Gilbert has passed away. Sincerely, The Family." There was no return address, no details on where he is buried, etc. Of course, if we wanted to find out, it wouldn't have been hard. We have his former address and I'm sure one our family historians has his Social Security number. I am also told that someone in our family has some old letters written by my great-grandmother, asking Uncle Will to "make a choice" between worlds. I guess we all know which world he chose. Also, before he died, he wrote a memoir of his life.

This is the wonderful thing about Blogging. I can ramble off track and nobody can complain or accuse me of straying off topic. After all, this is my Blog (smile).

Back to the topic:

I've written all of that detail above because I wanted to give you a true sense of my point of view. My family and I would probably be considered Public Enemy #1 to all of those who are just generally angry at light-skinned African Americans and anything we've done that you would perceive as elitist and exclusive.

That being said, those of you who are just generally angry at light-skinned African Americans need to check yourselves. Quit the "I am a victim" role and take a more positive approach to who you are and how you are perceived. Look at the darker skinned role models in our community - the government leaders, the politicians, the physicians, the artists, the activists, philanthropists, etc. Come on down to Miami in July and check out the thousands of ladies walking into the Jack and Jill National Conference - check them out and tell me if Jack and Jill is administering a Brown Paper Bag test. Visit web pages for our strongest organizations and check out the photos of the membership. Tell me if you think they've shut out the darker hued from membership.

Here's what I think. I think the problem is with you. I think you meet people who look like me and a 1-ton chip immediately appears on your shoulder. You start to size me up. You want me to prove how black I am. When I was a young teen and I was enrolled in a local tennis camp for the summer, some of the African American players started a discussion about whether or not I was really black. I had to answer a series of questions. I guess I was too young and too insecure to tell them to go take a long walk off of a short pier. So, I answered the questions. "Would you rather watch Good Times or The Waltons"? Well, truth be told, I preferred the Waltons. I was around 13 years old and there was no way my mother would have let me watch a grown-up show with adult content like Good Times. But, nonetheless, I wasn't black enough because I didn't regularly watch Good Times.

Situations like the above repeated throughout my adolescence. I recall asking my mother to allow me to attend public school for 9th grade. I was tired of private school and wanted to socialize with more African American kids. I was already in Jack and Jill, but I was looking for something deeper. My parents were supportive and I tested for and enrolled in one of the city's Magnet public schools. It was not pretty! I rode to school on the public trolley or subway. Girls would yell at me from the back of the trolley as I got on "whoa, it sure is BRIGHT and sunny out here today" or "Look, it's Casper the Ghost". Once I arrived at school, things weren't much better. Kids would break into my locker, threaten me in the halls, try to cut my hair, etc. I did have some good friends - across the color spectrum. But, there was a pervasive ugliness against me, because of my appearance, my diction and my clothes (as far as I could tell).

After that year, my parents decided that I needed to go back to private school. I did, and things were ok again. We had darker skinned and lighter skinned girls in private school and everyone got along. I don't recall the color issue coming up for the rest of my time in high school. Not in my school, anyway.

This brings me to wonder whether the skin color issue is much more pervasive outside of the middle and upper class.

I wonder if the "skin color" debate is really just a smokescreen for a larger issue: Class.

If you were a dark-skinned, successful, pediatric neurosurgeon living in Westchester County NY with your dark-skinned millionaire husband and your beautiful, dark-skinned children.....and your housekeeper was light-skinned, would you still hate her?

In the end, I am of the opinion that this issue remains relevant in our community only because we keep it relevant. There are powerful, admired, beautiful African American women across all hues. Likewise, there are ignorant, shameless women across all hues. Focus on skin tone, from anyone, is simply a fuel to further ignite the fire burning in this community. We cannot afford to divide! If you find that you have chip on your shoulder about ANYONE based on the color of their skin, then YOU have a problem that YOU need to correct. If you don't correct it, then YOU are guilty of pulling the community into a deeper state of disrepair.

And, if I am not black enough for you because of how I look, I cannot help you. I will not apologize or have any empathy for you.

And, as far as the whole light-skin and being black enough issue is concerned, I wonder how you would feel about my cousin, Michaela Angela Davis. Is she down enough?

A nice Salon article here (love, love Salon!!) Love that she's using the term "hybrid". Hybrid is cool, right? I really like that term.

As far as the party promoter in Detroit is concerned, it was a stupid publicity stunt. And, now everyone is fired up about this instead of larger issues on which we should be focused today.....such as, Child Abuse!

Here's a poem to get your mind back into a state of saneness:

Sisterhood

A room full of sisters, like jewels in a crown, Vanilla, cinnamon, and dark chocolate brown.

Now picture yourself in the midst of this glory As I describe the sisters who are part of this story.

They were wearing burgundies, maroon and all shades of grays.

Some had elegant hats and others hairstyles of different arrays.

With sparkling eyes and shiny lips, They moved through the room swaying their hips.

Speaking with smiles on their cultural faces, Their joyful laughter filled all spaces.

They were fashionable and stylish in what they were wearing, Kind sisters who were loving and caring.

You see, it’s not about how these sisters appeared, Their beauty was in the values they revered.

They were smart, articulate and well read, With kinds of Latin history stored in their heads.

Jugglers of professions, managers of lives, Mothers of children, lovers and wives.

Good hearted, reaching out to others, Giving back to the community and supporting our brothers.

All of these sisters struggled the path. Suffered from prejudice, endured the wrath.

But they brushed off their dresses and pushed on the door, And they came back stronger than they were before.

Now imagine if you will The essence and thrill,

As you stand feeling proud In the heart of this crowd.

A sisterhood of strong women today, Still out in front, paving the way.

A room full of sisters, like jewels in a crown, Vanilla, cinnamon and dark chocolate brown.

-Dr. Mona Lake Jones

The First Blog Post - Here we go!

I feel like I am at a party and I don't know anyone. I have to walk up to people, introduce myself and try to find some common ground. Or, I could walk up, introduce myself and say something completely attention-grabbing. Not sure which approach I want to take with this first blog post.

I'll be happy when I get to the point where I can just catch you up on today, or last week....but a lifetime?

Ok, let's just catch up on the last 3 weeks.

Three weeks ago, I sent an email to my friends and family. It was the official opening announcement of the "12 Months of Me", my own personal declaration that for the next 12 months, I am focused on myself. I talked about how I wanted to start 6 months prior to my 40th birthday - and extend the celebration of me 6 months after my birthday. I told them that I would not be hosting any events, babysitting any one's children, washing any one's dishes when I come to dinner, etc. I talked about spending time in the gym...and at the spa. And, though I didn't mention it, I plan on being myself a really outrageous new sports car and maybe getting some plastic surgery for little things I want to get "touched up". Good stuff, right?

Ok, so 2 days after I sent that email, the planets and the moon must have aligned in some crazy way. My days at work got so busy that I could barely find time to get out of my PJs all day (I work from home). My clients started all kinds of drama - my boss got very demanding (not his fault - just bad timing), I got a nasty-gram from the IRS, my brakes on my Camry started to grind, my 4th grader got a detention slip for excessive talking in class (she is super-social), I came upon a deadline to file some paperwork in court for a trust-fund I am taking over and I almost missed the deadline to file. I started working excessively long days - and well into each night (morning - 2 & 3am) and weekends. I gave up on the gym, let alone any delusions about the spa.

So, I started to wonder: Did my "12 Months of Me" announcement somehow anger the universe? Was it too selfish? Is it too self-serving and obnoxious? Is this the time for me to give more, not less?

I have busted my behind for years to do the best I can for my family and community! Seriously. I had a baby at 19 and he, awesome son that he is, is now in his junior year at an Ivy League college (yeah!). I have never received a dime of child support (ok, no big deal - we made it work). My daughter, in 4th grade, could care less about school and has to be coaxed, each day, into acting like she cares about anything but being Ms. Social Butterfly USA. She is a kinetic learner, which means that I have to work with her much more than most parents would have to work with their kids on school work. I am paying tuition for her, too.

So, between the Ivy League butt-kicking tuition, which is equal to 2X my monthly mortgage payment.....and this little Princess and her school's tuition, I am definitely using my income to invest in my children's education. Plus, I put myself through school and managed, by the grace of all that is good, to grind my way up the corporate ladder and now stand strong with the best of the best in the High Tech industry.

Plus, (random comment) my ex husband is a jerk who tried some "interesting" stunts with the family court system 3 years back, which I'm sure he regrets (there's NOTHING a great lawyer and a stack of cash (to pay said laywer) cannot fix!). I'll probably not say any more about him. Such old news and anything about him is boring. I am not even mad anymore.

I am not whining or complaining at all.....I'm just framing the issue here.

Ok, so, I would like to think that I deserve 12 Months of Me. Hey, I would still grind at work, still pay tuition to schools who like to send me too much mail asking for donations on top of tuition (are you serious?), still take great care of my clients, try to get to church more often, increase my philanthropic work, etc.

All I want is to feel "ok" about a little focus on what I want for myself: more time at the gym, spa and maybe some botox or something......more frequent appointments with my hair stylist....a new car (I've finally decided that I like that BMW 650i convertible after not liking any cars for 2 years)......hire a housekeeper, because I HATE, HATE, HATE to spend my precious free time doing housework and laundry......and maybe some yoga or something that would get me to relax more. I know I need to relax. And, if I could spend the last 2 weeks of June in Italy, I'd feel especially grateful to "life".

And, well, last but not least.....I need to address and handle the "man" situation in my life. (sigh). I am not really feeling like the one I have is "the" one. More on that later. Too exhausting to blog about today.

Ok, so that's how it went when I announced the 12 Months of Me. In any event, I am pressing on. Maybe the universe will soon adjust back to normal and stop all of this drama.